pregnancy: the final act

the third trimester seemed to come very quickly, then once it hit, moved at a snail's pace. by this time i was anxious to meet our little man to the point of hysteria (exaggeration! kinda.). really though, i was so excited to meet and hold my baby that i was counting down the days, instead of the weeks. i was also super uncomfortable, not sleeping, and beyond stressed with trying to get everything ready. nesting is a beast. i don't care what anyone tells you.

3rd trimester, about 33 weeks

emily left on her mission during this time, which was difficult but also such a sacred experience and one i would never give up. thankfully, she was able to feel the baby move before she left. shay kept trying to feel him, though every time he would put his hand on my tummy, the baby would stop moving. it was like he knew his daddy's touch every single time! cute but...frustrating. i have a feeling it won't be the last time we feel that way about this little man!

then one night, shay was resting his hand on my belly as he fell asleep next to me on the couch during a movie. the baby all of the sudden kicked his hand super hard and fast, making me laugh and waking shay up. shay poked my belly to see if he could get another nudge, and it worked! so, father and son played their first game together: poke and kick. daddy poked, baby kicked. momma got away without any bruises, thankfully. :)

and so we waited the days away. i worked, tried to sleep, cleaned/organized when i could, and prayed for the health of our little one. and some days we just had to stop at sonic for a rootbeer slushy.

by 37 weeks, i was progressing pretty well but the baby hadn't turned into the correct position yet. we tried a few things, but in the end decided that if he was going to turn, it would have to be something he did during labor. speaking of labor...i took a labor and delivery class and it was TERRIBLE! no woman who is close to giving birth should have to watch a video of a live birth/labor pains/etc etc etc! this is one case where the phrase "ignorance is bliss" is 100% true. because...gross.

i was also having regular - and sometimes constant - braxton hicks pains, which were increasing in strength by the day. because of the extreme swelling i was experiencing i had been checking my blood pressure (yay ridley's pharmacy!) every few days, and it was rising. because of this and other factors, the midwife opted to try and encourage the baby to come by 38 1/2 weeks, and gave us the go-ahead to  help things along as well. i will never forget waddling around the park path at 10:30 at night with shay, my belly as big as a planet, and getting alllllll sorts of looks from the other park patrons: smirks from teenagers on their bikes, curiosity from the two girls walking their dog, and understanding/pity from the older couple walking the opposite way. i can only imagine that i was a hilarious sight. all i knew was, i wanted that baby out!!! in the best way possible, of course. :)

pregnancy: act 2

by the second trimester of pregnancy, i was feeling much more accustomed to one thing: i had no idea what to expect anymore, and it looked like that was going to be the norm until the end. so i hung on tight and tried to enjoy the ride as much as i could. however, my body didn't seem to like the idea of this whole baking a baby thing, and i was in either the doctor's office or the hospital for one thing or another every few weeks until the end. we experienced blood clots, inability to breathe well, kidney problems, major swelling, hands going numb/burning, eyesight deteriorating, borderline gestational diabetes (that orange drink is GROSS!), anemia, extreme fatigue, and of course, wanting to eat everything.

but honestly, every time we heard our little baby's heartbeat and knew he was doing well, i considered it all to be a very, very small price to pay for such a gigantic miracle and blessing.

the morning of our 3rd anniversary we were able to go and find out whether our little bean was going to be blue or pink. we had done an early scan a month before, but we definitely wanted to be sure! we had both had a feeling it would be a boy (though i was hoping for a girl, the thought of having a boy scared me!) and sure enough...we were team blue!!! i started praying really hard that i would know what to do with him when he came...and most of all, that he would love me. :)

taken outside the hospital gift shop after we saw baby!

finally, i felt like we could move forward in our plans for our little one. we decided on a name pretty quickly, and tested it out for a few months. we purchased everything from bottles to blankets to burp cloths, and every time i folded a new teeny, tiny onesie and put it away into his drawers, i prayed again that this little boy would love his momma. 

2nd trimester, about 24 weeks

in february we were given the opportunity to move into an upstairs apartment, which i had been hoping for since we got married 3 years previously. i was especially worried about bringing a little baby home to a place that had such temperamental temperatures and such a huge lack of natural light. shay moved us pretty much by himself since i couldn't carry anything or clean, and my family came and helped out a lot as well. emily also informed us that she was going on a mission...and i was heartbroken. i never imagined that my littlest sis wouldn't be there for the birth of our baby. but in my heart, i also knew she had been inspired to go, so i did my very best to be happy for her.

about this time, as i pondered over and over on my little son, i discovered a song by brad paisley called "anything like me". it was one rainy and cold saturday afternoon, and i was trying to get the baby to move so i could do kick counts. as i listened to this song my heart swelled with love for the little boy inside me and, as it happened a lot in those days, i teared up over it. the baby suddenly started moving all over and i just lost it. i was so overcome by love, excitement, and joy over this little one that i couldn't believe my heart wasn't bursting open.

jolly holidays!

hello again.

so there is quite a bit of business to be catching up on...or so i've been told! let's start with christmas! what a wonderful place to start no matter what the destination, if you ask me.

christmas 2012 was a special one for us petrones. we were able to visit shay's family in texas at his aunt laura and uncle jim's house. it was especially special for me, since i had never met any of shay's family. shay's aunt and uncle took such good care of all of us. we had an amazing time! even in spite of me coming down with an infection and having to go to the emergency room on christmas eve to get treated, and only being able to eat certain things, and having a random bout of morning sickness on top of the already extreme tiredness and crazy emotions that existed, shay's family was so understanding and made sure we had everything we needed. shay and i were both so grateful that we were able to go and spend that holiday with them!

i have to say though, one of my favorite parts of christmas happened before we ever left to go to texas. shay had wrapped up all my gifts and put them under the tree, then decided that i could open one if i wanted to. (silly hubby, IF i wanted to? does that question even exist?) you can probably guess what happened.

as good as that christmas was, i am far, far too excited for this christmas when we get to spoil our little bug and watch him discover all the magic for himself. only 2 more months!!! someone please, hold me back...or i might just start listening to christmas music BEFORE thanksgiving....

cravings and...kicks!!!

aaaannnnd.....we're officially in the second trimester! my baby is getting so big already!

updates: the baby is now the size of a lemon, and can smile, suck its thumb, and flex its little hands and feet!

1st trimester, about 12 weeks

my sickness isn't quite on the strict schedule of every single night like it was before. it just kind of comes and goes when it pleases, usually brought on by weird foods like cucumbers and stuff. who'd have thought? also cooking meat is still pretty tough, but i'm determined! shay is now super congratulatory every time i make a meal, it's almost been worth it to eat cereal and scrambled eggs for dinner on a regular basis, since i had no energy to cook anything else. i should go off cooking more often. ;)

along with the serious food aversions, there have been some SERIOUS food cravings going on. these aren't your, "i could really go for some chips right now" kind of cravings. these are all out, no messing around, eat-this-or-starve kind of cravings. to the point that i could have just had a full, delicious, totally wonderful meal but still be totally ravenous because that ONE thing wasn't on my plate.

my bff kari posted this on facebook the other day, and it was almost not funny it was so accurate!

my cravings have included: milk, cereal, apple juice, orange juice, rocky road ice cream (that could have been me though, but we're blaming the little one), mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato chips, french fries, hamburgers, clementines, blue popsicles, english muffins, lemonberry slushies from sonic, onion rings (also could have just been me), winger's wings, rotisserie-style chicken, poached eggs, and jolly ranchers.

this is what we came home from the grocery store with the other night, because choosing just ONE giant bag of cereal was out. of. the. question.

i've told shay that everything about me is oriented around food lately. i have lost not only my memory and eyesight, but my motivation for most things in life - with the exception of naps and food. tonight whilst giving into my daily apple juice craving, i was watching diners, drive-ins, and dives (something like the 4th episode in a row...) and i felt the weirdest feeling on the top of my tummy. it almost felt like my heart was beating in my stomach, but then it was off rhythm with my heart, and it turned into a spasm, and suddenly...

poke.

just tiny! just the tiniest, cutest, most adorable little nudge i could have ever imagined! i only noticed it because i was being very still, and my mind was wandering during the commercials. then just a whole bunch of little taps started rapping on me, still so light and gentle, almost like someone was saying, "hey mom? mom are you there? it's me!! can you feel me? i'm big now!!!"

of course it could have also been morse code for "bring pizza. stop. pepperoni. stop. no olives. stop."

coolest experience of my life. i called shay in to tell him, and first thing he did was put his ear to my tummy like the little one in there was going to share with him exactly what it was thinking. i'm telling you...these two already completely understand each other. i was thinking, "hey that's really cool feeling! kinda like bubbles!"

and shay, being the super intuitive father that he already is, was like, "no. it's trying to speak to us. it wants something."

either way, this little person has already wonderfully and completely stolen my heart. best feeling in the whole world!!!! :)

our biggest blessing. :)

if there was ever a good reason for updating this blog - and really, reviving it - it would be this! we are, as of today, 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant. :) i kind of feel like i've gone back to being a little kid, when people would ask me how old i was and it was never just "6 years old" or "8 years old", but "6 and 3/4" or "8 and 1/2". because each day closer to this baby coming is pretty much the coolest thing in the whole world!!!

shay and i had always been open to the feelings we hoped we would get that would tell us that the lord was ready to send a precious little soul to join our family. we both thought those feelings wouldn't come until 2013, but instead of the feelings, it's this little bean that will arrive in june. we are feeling a jumble of emotions even now - happy, excited, nervous, anxious, and even a little scared. mostly though, we feel so humble and grateful for this, the biggest blessing we have ever received. we know it's going to be amazing!!

i had a feeling i was pregnant from almost the very beginning, and was so impatient to be able to take a test. one night as i was signing up for insurance, i was asked if i was pregnant on the questionnaire. to give the most accurate info possible, i decided to take a test even though i thought it was too early, and - surprise! - it came back negative. i was so disappointed. i knew it was wrong, but when only one line showed up...well, i couldn't dispute that. so i went back to the questionnaire and got ready to send it in.

i had a feeling to check it again, so i went back and pulled it out of the garbage can. i probably looked a lot like a cartoon character at that moment. the double take i did was so fast! there it was, shyly appearing next to the bold evaporation line - the line that meant my whole life was about to change. the line that meant a whole new world was being created inside of me.

because the line was so light however, i didn't trust it. so i did what anyone would do: i grabbed shay and we ran to target to buy 6 more tests, 3 of which i took that night. maybe i was thinking it was a majority rules type of deal? either way, our jury came back totally unanimous...i was going to have a baby!!

it was so fun to tell our families about the baby, many of whom gave reactions that helped us feel their total love and support on our behalf. i know i speak for both of us when i say that when others are excited for us, it really makes a difference to us! this is a big thing in our lives - the biggest! - and means more than i can express when we can tell that others are looking forward to it just as much as we are.

we've decided to make more of an effort to keep this blog updated and let more people know about it, as many of our loved ones have asked to be kept in the loop about the baby. thank goodness for modern technology!

year-end thoughts, and other things.

i cannot believe that 2011 is coming to an end. i don't often feel so sorry to see a year make it's way out, only to be replaced by yet another one, since i always have the same wonderment pass through my thoughts. always.

will next year be as good as this one was? better? or...worse?

i was joking with my dad tonight that we youngbergs like to worry about crap. not useful things, or logical things, but totally nonsensical things. you know, crap.

never fear: we are also pretty good at worrying about the rest too. we are nothing if not thorough. ;)

2011 was pretty dang good to us, after all. i wasn't all that excited about it at the beginning, as it truly tried our faith as individuals and as a couple. shay started the year having to choose between the new job he loved and was terribly excellent at, and continuing to choose to not work on sundays and do his best at keeping the sabbath day holy, which he is also terribly excellent at.

as a couple, and through prayer and counsel with each other and those who had influence over our lives, we decided that he would quit his job without promise of a new one and we would put all of our faith in the promises surrounding tithing and the lord's love for us. shay is, and probably will always be, much better at the faith thing than i am. i really like that about him though. :)

the spring semester turned out to be more than stressful. we struggled to balance our classes, and our relationship, and my job, and our callings, and life in general. i cried more than a few times and shay exercised the priesthood in our home as much as was needed. it made more of a difference than i probably will ever know, so i try to overstate my gratitude just in case. my husband's ability and willingness to worthily hold and use the priesthood is a blessing i don't have words to describe. as the semester got closer to ending, i broke down pretty regularly and wondered if maybe we had been lost in the mess of the universe. but again, that studly canadian was amazing and held the fort while i did my best to hold it together.

then, a week before the end of the semester, shay got a new job at a great company. and along with that job, a feeling of much needed peace settled in me and began to heal the stress fractures in my heart. my spirit began to feel a weak connection to heaven again, and i knew we'd be okay. we were really going to be okay.

as the months wore on, more and more changes happened. among those, we decided it was time for a new ward, new apartment, new start. we looked for and found an apartment where i felt at home, finally, for the first time since moving out. the apartment was built around the same time as the house i had grown up in, and much of the design was the same. i even arranged my kitchen just like my mom's and couldn't contain my overwhelming gratitude in the fact that i was finally able to relax in a place i felt like was my home. the first night in our new apartment, i slept better than i had slept the previous year and a half we had been married. it was so wonderful. and most of all, we felt like we had really been led to this place, which made all the difference.

we were blessed with much more direction in other areas as well. both of our jobs improved a lot and we were recognized for our efforts. we discussed many times how we really, truly liked where we were and what we were doing. we were both led in knowing what to do with school, and a few other investments we had been looking into. tender mercies flowed and the season of peace continued. though the down parts came, they weren't nearly the pits we had experienced before. we could feel the support we had previously needed so desperately. even as a few of my most treasured relationships changed and evolved through various circumstances, help was there and answers to many sincere prayers were given. i've really been blessed with the very best, most patient friends in the world. 

2011 will be a year i remember as the year we came out of the refiner's fire together, and as a bonded couple walked into the light of testimony and peace. i couldn't ask for a better theme for our second year of marriage.

2012, i hope you're ready for us petrones, 'cause we're ready for you. you've got a lot to live up to though. ;)

curtains or no curtains? that is the question...

guys. you guys.

i don't know how the flip martha stewart does it, but decorating is pretty flipping stressful. is it just me, or does every purchase and every decision feel like you are making a til-death-do-you-part commitment to your decor choices?

i think i have a fear of commitment when it comes to decorations. it's definitely affecting our home life. i'm always seeing something i like better, no matter how much shopping around i do beforehand! and it's not like you can hide it when you come home with a replacement..."no it's just visiting i promise, you'll always have a place on my shelf/wall/countertop..."

how does one make the leap and just go? are there blogs and/or books that help one with such things? or does one just suck it up and realize that it's okay to move on from certain earlier choices? or is one being, as i am sure that one is, much to muchly serious about this kind of a thing?

(pretty sure it's monday and things are always serious business on mondays.)

(i did make the purchase of an absolutely incredible mirror for the front room, and i'm quite positive we were made for each other, however.)

i have also decided that i am indeed among the loyal fan base of ikea, for both awesome home items and unbeatable swedish meatballs. woot!

on a side note, we went camping spur of the moment with wonderful friends and companions in mischief. i always think i'm going to hate spur of the moment decisions like that, until it's over, then i rarely feel the way i anticipated. weird? i think so too! only, camping is dirtier than i remember growing up, so obviously there's just much more dirt now than there was then right? right.